The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
