im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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