She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
