We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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