"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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