I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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