i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize