I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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