Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
