He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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