we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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