My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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