I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
