and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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