I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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