i don't like sucking hair
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
