there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
