capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sorry about my life...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
