I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize