Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
