Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize