Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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