What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
