God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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