Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
