i need an iv and a liver transplant
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
