Soap is not a condiment
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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