I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
