i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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