if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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