Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have feelings that need drinking.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
