They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
