that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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