You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize