This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
