drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we're making bets on your personal life
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
