the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
