I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She bit a glass in half.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
