But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
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Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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