sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
