I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
