I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
