please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
