i think i have herpe
just one?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
