So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
