genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
