i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
COCAINE IS GR8
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
