4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
