My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
