on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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