it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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