im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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