I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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