Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
