as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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