have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
