a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
