Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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