Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
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I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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