It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
