We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
