Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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