and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
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i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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