Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize