if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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